Saturday, January 22, 2011

Fed up with Fetish

Dr. Naidich, I am a 56 year old woman who has been married for over 30 years. My husband and I have two children and three wonderful grandchildren. We live in a somewhat conservative town. My husband has always been addicted to pornography which I have never liked. He is contantly watching x-rated videos and movies on the internet. On occassion, he wants me to watch the movies with him. He also has dressed in my under garments, and wanted to have intercourse with me while dressed like that. I agreed on a couple of occasions, but felt wierd about it and did not enjoy it one bit. He also used to ask me to urinate on him which I refused to do. I have never felt comfortable with my husband and his fetishes. Now, I feel repulsed and have been considering divorce unless he agrees to treatment for these problems. We went to a marriage counselor about 10 years ago for about three months. But, my husband minimized the situation, made empty promises, and is back to the same old tricks. What do you think I should do?

By Anonymous on 1/21/11

My first question, since you have been married for over 30 years, is "why are you considering a divorce NOW"? Does your husband know how you feel or that you are considering divorcing him over this issue? The first step, if you haven't already done so, is to talk with him about this in a calm, loving way. Perhaps it is time to go back to couples therapy. If he is willing, your husband could seek counseling from a sex therapist while it would be best for you to enter individual therapy to explore your feelings about your husband's behavior and your ambivalence about remaining married to him. After 30 plus years of marriage this is a big decision and one that I suggest you make thoughtfully. Best of luck! Keep me posted... Dr. Naidich

By Dr. Jennifer Naidich on Married and Mismatched at 2:11 PM

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