Phases of Love

Dr. Naidich,

Do you believe that it is possible to love more than one person at the same time? I had been dating several women for a while, then narrowed it down to two. It ended up getting complicated and I eventually decided to date just one of them...my friends said that I couldn't have really loved either one of them..What's your opinion?

November 9, 2010 7:00 PM

Yes, I believe that it is possible to love more than one person at the same time. We all do. For example, we may love our partners, families, and friends.

In your case, you might have loved different things about each of these women or loved them in different ways or in varying degrees.

But what you didn't mention was how long you were dating each of these women. In romantic love there are two stages of love, the infatuation stage and the attachment stage.

In the first stage, or infatuation phase of love our brains are flooded with chemicals that make our hearts beat faster, fill our stomachs with butterflies, and make it hard to focus on anything else but the object of our desire. This eventually wears off, as we cannot function very long in this state and maintain our day-to-day lives.

The next stage of romantic love is the attachment, or deeper love that comes when the infatuation wanes. You now know your partner with flaws and all and still love them unconditionally. You share a special bond together.

It is up to you to decide what stage, or in what ways you loved each of these women. But the general answer to your question is yes, I believe it is possible to love more than one person at the same time. I hope that clarifies things for you.

Best regards,

Dr. Naidich